Use facilitative approaches to nurture supportive relationships. These make success more likely and reduce the stress of conflict and criticism.
This article is part of our series on stress resilience and mental health.
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Relational Anxiety.
They say that, often, people do not so much leave their job, as much as leave their boss. If you speak to anyone about their career, you usually find that they have had times that they found unfulfilling, and unpleasant, even damaging.
And when you explore deeper you usually find that the biggest factor in that is people. It may be an individual, a group, or even an entire work community. You hear stories of indifference, bullying, confrontation, blame, unhelpfulness, secrecy, politics, lies. Situations where everyday is a battle – not so much with the work, but with the personalities around it.
being denied the opportunity to ‘belong’ …
And whereas a healthy team can inspire and amplify everyone’s efforts, an unhealthy team can do entirely the opposite. And in doing so, it can create disabling levels of anxiety and depression. We were all built for relationship, and when we are denied the opportunity to ‘belong’ in this way it can have harmful effects on us. It can strip us of enthusiasm, self-belief, confidence, even hope.But why do these things occur?
… can strip us of enthusiasm, self-belief, confidence, even hope
Oftentimes they are the result of unresolved performance anxiety. As those around us feel stressed and vulnerable, they focus more narrowly on themselves and their own needs. As they feel impotent or see themselves falling short, they can become more demanding of others. In protecting themselves and their own situation, they leave others vulnerable, and even exploit that vulnerability.survival of the fittest leads to suboptimal choices
Such behaviour doesn’t sit well with them – at least not initially – but needs must. And they begin to justify themselves with stories about it being survival of the fittest – a dog eat dog world. Until it becomes true.
But, in an interdependent organisation, this narrowness of focus, and selfishness, leads to suboptimal choices and everybody losing out. And so the performance situation further declines and the pressure builds even greater. Silos form, the blame game starts, politics abound, and stress builds.
Stressful behaviour
The situation described above is a reflection of the left-hand side of the diagram below.
When we feel that our situation and our expectations are being threatened in any way, we tend to close-in. It is psychological. Even small amounts of tension and anxiety – amounts so small we are hardly aware of them – can do it. Our thinking shifts from the subtler higher order functions to older, more direct, functions. If we pay attention to ourselves, we will sense it in an increased alertness, a small tightening in our middles.
the entire balance can shift in a moment
And the shift in our thinking makes it much more likely that we will tend toward the closed dialogue responses on the red side of the diagram above.The thing is, when we do, our inclination toward judgement or cynicism is picked up by others – often subconsciously. They can perceive it is a threat to their ideas and acceptance, and this will influence their own brain chemistry, accessing other thinking centres in them. In turn, their behaviours shift toward the red, and in a moment, you can find that the entire balance of the discussion has shifted.
And that is in healthy environments. In environments like those described in the first section, people arrive at the meeting already closed. People begin defensive. Empathy is hard to come by. Ideas are quickly shot down. Creativity doesn’t really stand a chance. And meetings stop being productive.
For more on this, take a look at our blog item on meaningful conversation.
Facilitate healthy environments
So how do you avoid this? Or how do you fix it when you are descending into this vicious circle? How do you facilitate healthy environments?
The temptation as the leader responsible for the meeting is to become more directive. For some people this may be driven by the red chemistry that is going on in their brains. For others, it may be the only form of leadership they feel confident in delivering.
Either way, it is more likely to close things down further than to open them up. What is required is a more facilitative approach to leadership. A more vulnerable and open approach. One that defuses the tension and which reflects humility and acceptance. Not from a weak and timid position, but from a strong and assertive one. If you are someone who wants to change the culture in your own organisation, we recommend you consider the following to facilitate healthy environments:
steps for bringing it back to green
- Temporarily accept the current performance. Lets face it, ‘not-accepting it’ is not going to change it. But accepting it alleviates some of the pressure that has led to self-interest and the current decline.
- Explain what is happening, and in particular your own part in it (this will give others permission to be honest about their own parts too). Give people the insight and the vocabulary to discuss their behaviours and the implications of them without blame or guilt. And then facilitate forums in which such discussions can safely take place, and people can experiment with adopting different approaches.
- Explore with people the damage that stress may have inflicted on diversity and inclusion, Ensure a clear understanding and a vision for both. Provide education if required. And take the opportunity to agree practices which embrace everyone.
build in a vision for diversity and inclusion
- Introduce education about open conversation and train people to be self-aware and able to manage their own internal condition in dialogue. Introduce review points into meetings, so that people can more easily see the meta-process and work with it to ensure healthy and supportive dialogue.
- Equip the leadership with facilitation skills. These skills will provide them with the confidence to achieve their aims using less directive and autocratic approaches. As a result they will be able to more readily see and coach the interpersonal dynamics, and better ensure healthy and supportive dialogue.
- Use more design thinking and participative tools in your meetings. These enable people to contribute without having to compete to dominate the discussion. The tools enable people to relax more – and not continuously be on the alert for the micro-breaks in the dialogue that will enable them to make their point.
enable easier contribution
- Build a better sense of the Internal Customer. Use a more holistic and systemic understanding of the organisation to help people understand how it works. How their role works through others to achieve the goals of the organisation. And to create a greater sense of interdependence and the role of mutual service in making progress.
- Remove any divisive incentives that might tempt people to compete at a cost to their colleagues. Reward performance collectively, and attitudes individually. Reward (and celebrate) ‘assists’ more than ‘goals’.
The benefits
The situation won’t change overnight, but it will change. It may need some individual coaching of those who cling to their original behaviours. But as they begin to realise they are no longer benefiting from them, they will either fit in or move on. The result will be a more efficient, more effective and more fulfilling place of work. Creativity will begin to flourish, and performance will grow … and so with the people.
And, as a result, when you facilitate healthy environments, the increased sense of belonging and value will help to minimise the risks to mental health.
Useful links:
Track your progress to ensure the efficacy of this strategy.